Tuesday, July 25, 2006

rainy days make me feel fine

Sometimes, it's not always about being happy. There are times when you just have to sit down on the couch and be sad. I don't know. When I am happy, I start to forget everything. I am caught in the moment and that moment is the only thing I am thinking about. But when I am sad, I become sentimental. I remember a lot of things and I start to think about everything sentimental I can think of (from memories to relationships with people). I love being sentimental. It makes me want to write.

Monday, July 24, 2006

stepping it up

Some people really take it hard when they fail. I am one of these people. For almost all my life, I have succeeded in almost everything I went to. By that, I mean everything that I was actually passionate about. But when college came, everything changed. I have failed in a lot of long tests to the point that I have become numb about it. Then as for the varsity teams, I haven’t been as successful as I was used to. Was I losing my competitive edge? Was I becoming… uhhh… normal?

Fortunately, I have been succeeding in the musical aspect of my life. I never took that aspect of my life seriously because I was not confident about it. I was so embrassed to sing in front of people. But after two auditions (ACGC and Bluerep), I think I’ve got it. I quit the ACGC because I was not into the music they were singing. Then a year after, I got into Bluerep. I feel that my voice is more stable and it’s time. I’ll show everyone that I am not a quitter.

Auditions are on Wednesday. I feel like I want to throw up every time I think about it. Waaaah… it’s make or break time. I need to step it up.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

chill

I cannot wait for the sembreak to come. No more lessons to study and I'm just going to go out and have fun every night. Well, there are possibly a few outings and I can't wait for it. Sembreak, where are you when I need you.

Anyway, today was supposed to be one of the hellish days of my third year life. Well, it was. I had a tough time in my embryo LT and the next classes were not doing well either. If I fail my embryo LT then it means I have to study, if not then I would continue what I am doing. Oh well, I am bound to hit some road bumps sooner or later in this journey of mine. But of course, my 'Chill Lang' philosophy is here to stay. Booya!

On another note, I saw some high school friends a while ago and I realized how I actually miss them. One of them sat sa bench and we got to talk a while. It seems they're going to join the IAC. I hope they win. Anyway, I miss my high school friends. We rarely go out. Shucks.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

start of something new

I got into bluerep and the GA was really fun. Everyone was dressed up as a kid and there were (as far as I know) any killjoys. For the first time in my college life, I attended a GA and I did not have any feeling that I wanted to quit. This is definitely something I want and right now (since I'm new to this), everything is a learning experience.

Also, something new I've experienced is crabmentality. I have always thought the better of people by not believing in such concepts. There's this guy who told other people that the judges stopped in the middle of my song during the audition. I think he was trying to make me look like someone who sucked in his auditions. He was rooting for his friend (who sadly didn't make it). Well, let's just say he was totally wrong 'cause I did. Then, when I told him about the fact that I got in. He started telling people I was being arrogant and all that. He's just one bitter bastard. I'm calling him asphalt face from now on. Argh.

Why do people have to be negative about the success of others?

Anyway, thanks to my bestfriend Melinda for the future CD's. I shall listen to them the whole day again. Hehe.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

my ym list tonight

Okay, right now, there are 36 people who are currently online in my ym list and 2 of those I am permanently invisible too. It's just weird that even if there are a lot of them online, I could not really think of anything to talk about with them. There's just nothing significant to talk about. I mean, I know I can talk to them but I also know that it will only last for a few minutes.

I guess most of these people are the ones who I befriended and then let it stop at that. These are the people who I say 'hi' to and then say a few lines like 'you still have class?' or 'where are you going?' Then, they would reply and we would walk towards our destinations. At the end of the day, there are only a select few who we can really talk to just because... These are the people who are our closest friends. The chosen few who we trust with the stories of our lives.

Now, I shall pick people to talk to even if I know they'll bore me. Hahaha.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

dilemmas coming from yesternight

When everything you are doing seems to go against the beliefs that you want to follow, you come to a realization that your beliefs might not really be for you. It is highly probable that you are denying yourself the opportunity to be the real you. You struggle to change yourself just to fit into those beliefs. For a certain amount of time you are able to succeed by fitting into it. But after some time, the old circumstances start to creep in. You suddenly go back to your old actions. And then, you realize it was occuring too many times for it to be considered a coincidence.

A friend told me that maybe it is happening for us to see how far we've crossed and to let us discover what we are supposed to do about it.

I know I have crossed the line yesternight. I did something that I have never done since three years ago. Now, what am I supposed to do with it? Will I continue because this is what I believe I am? Will I stop just to fit into those beliefs?
I started this entry knowing the answer to that. But I don't want to regret my decision by writing it and making it pseudo-permanent ('coz I can delete it anytime).

I am struggling...